Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything! The title literally sums up all that has been happening in my life! (Literal and figuratively) In the last three weeks, two huge hurricanes stormed through the coastal region of Texas and as well as the entire state of Florida. It’s been devastating to everyone affected by these storms and even to those that were blessed with dry homes and the safety of their families; they were still under constant stress of whether or not they (and their families) will be okay.
I live in Houston and fortunately I was nowhere near when the storm hit but I sure did feel like a part of me was missing. Being away from it all and not helping my fellow neighbors made me feel hopeless and at times felt guilty because we where not in the midst of all the events. But that is okay, we are okay, and our home was spared from the floods. We monitored it closely around the clock to see if our home was going to make it and it did.
So back to why I haven’t posted anything and really have been off social media. So I started this blog about two months ago (yay!) with mix intentions. I wanted to help other people, especially moms, with all types of things whether it be fashion tips, cooking, cleaning, mom life, whatever it may be. Well because that is what I’m currently doing now. But then I started to feel a little stressed or pressured…pressure from myself, to perform and to gain a million followers! (Ok, that’s a little exaggeration) It wasn’t fun anymore…it wasn’t bringing me joy or the sense that I was doing something good. Instead I felt very anxious, lost, hopeless, and just depressed.
Ok, so here is another thing that well, hardly anyone knows about me. I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have for my entire life. It didn’t just creep up when I was an adult, it was always there and I can remember having those feelings from the time I was 10-11 years old. It is something that I didn’t know I had or why I have it. I didn’t know how to handle it either. I thought I was either very angry or super introverted because I wanted to be alone, with no one around. It wasn’t until I got to college and started taking courses for my degree and future Chiropractic degree that I realized that I had anxiety and also panic attacks.
Fast forward to today, although I’m not totally cured from anxiety and depression, I am able to realize the triggers and zone into what I need to do to take care of myself. I visit with a professional councilor once a month, make sure that I eat a balance diet and eliminate a lot of the ‘bad foods’, working out is a must at least once a day, and sleep or it loose it.
This blog has pushed me out of my comfort zone and I’ve felt super vulnerable and exposed. It’s not easy talking about yourself and sharing things to the world without thinking ‘will they like my material?’ So I had to step back and reflect on if what I’m sharing, talking about, and doing is truly what I want to do. Thus the one month hiatus. Then it wasn’t until Hurricane Harvey that truly just put things into perspective that, yeah life can change in a second! You can lose all your material items and your home…the place where you seek refuge and find security…all gone!
But that is all material, and as much as it sucks to lose everything…it can be replaced (well, not some exact things but usually with something else in its place). But in those days/weeks, even though I wasn’t home, I was seeking refuge in the only place I know I could that wouldn’t fail me, God. I was in prayer so much and just leaving it in His hands because He ultimately has the control, not me. Having anxiety and depression makes it so hard to lean on God because it’s a constant battle with your mind and negative cloudiness that it’s hard to even think clearly. But I have never felt as clear from it as I have felt these past days. And I’d like to say it is because I have put my entire faith in our Lord and Savior. I truly feel comforted by His love and grace and haven’t felt anxious for a while. This my friends is a true blessing!
So today, I writing again…for me. I’m sharing what I want to share for me! This is my therapy to help process what I’m feeling and going through. It’s a way to express myself in a healthy way and to help others (including my family) understand me and my struggles. So this is the not so Lovely part of me…but I’m human and I truly feel like God put me on this earth for a purpose. I’m purposefully and wonderfully made in His image.
Sorry this is so heavy, but it has been tugging at my heart strings to write something like this for a while, and I felt the need to share. I would love some feedback, even if you don’t suffer from a mental illness. Just talking about it makes the process easier to navigate through life.
Thank you and talk to you soon!